Once Again

This morning my scale said 189.0....that is two (2) days out of the 190s.  I am blessed!!

My trip to the gym yesterday made my third gym workout this week....my goal reached for once!  Today I walked outside in the wind.  The wind makes it more of a workout.  I felt a little under worked so I decided to do an exercise video.  I chose "YOU: On  A Diet Workout".  I have had this video for maybe two years, maybe more, don't remember.  It has beginner, intermediate, and advanced routines on it.  I did the beginner and was able to keep up without a problem, so I decided to watch the intermediate.  I think after 3 or 4 times of the beginner I can do that with no problem also.

This is a day off so traditionally a dangerous day for me but I have managed to keep the caloric intake in check.    Of course tomorrow is also a day but I am feeling in control for the time being.  Am actually looking forward to the times when all I have to bitch about is maintenance!!

I can, I will!!

Take That!!

This morning my stubborn scale read 189.2!!!  I am thrilled and committed to not having it bounce back to the 190s again....of course I have the next 2 days off of work which is always challenging to me. Just have to keep repeating my chant "I think I can, I think I can".  Like the little red engine that could.

I went to the gym this afternoon for about an hour.  I had to cut it short as I have to go to work and had some stuff to do at home that I could not put off.  But at least I went, in past weeks I have blown it off if I felt rushed but I hung in there today.  PAT MARY ON THE BACK!!

Have had success with my calorie range this week so far too.  I have bumped up the protein and I think that has been helpful.  I feel in the zone today....

I can, I will!!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr--that is my growl at the scale this morning.  You know the one that really hates  to go below 190...the one that showed my weight this morning at 190.0??  That one.  Yup that one.  What is with that barrier?  Ok so now I have that off my chest and am ready to make today a good healthy one.

I called this morning to get a hair cut and after making an appointment for 2 this afternoon, realized the traffic I would have to fight with the "Black Friday" crowd, called back and changed the appointment to Monday.  Good catch, Mary!!

My physical activity of the day will be a long outside walk...for the first time in 4 days we don't have strong winds so I am going to take advantage of the nice weather.  It is also a nice 76 degrees, another reason to enjoy the weather.

I can, I will!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

A big "Happy Thanksgiving" to every one today.  It truly is a time to be thankful for the people in our lives that make life worthwhile.  I read a sign on the outside of a church the other day that said "Thanksgiving means more if you R thankful".  Makes sense to me!!

Today's weigh in was 190.4.  Being hopeful the dip into the 180s tomorrow, I went to the gym and did 52 minutes of cardio and some stretching.  My cardio goal for the day was 40 minutes so I even put in a little extra time.  I sure hope it works.  I have noticed that I always learn a lot when I go to the gym just watching what others are doing.  Lots of times I end up incorporating those same moves into my routine.  My Dad always said "pay attention, you might learn something".  How right he was!!

I will be gong to work today, when you work in the gaming industry getting a holiday off is nearly impossible.
Besides I don't have any family here so going to work is ok, I am very thankful that I have a job to go to.

Yesterday's calorie count was in the range, the only problem was I was VERY hungry, so today I am keeping track of my protein intake.  Based on what I have been reading lately, I might not be eating enough protein so am going to increase how much I eat.

My attitude today, like yesterday is hopeful and upbeat.

I can, I will!!

Start Of Week Four

Today starts week 4 and I am off to a good start.  My weight this morning was 191.6.  I spent 1.5 hours at the gym and it felt great.  Today while doing my weight training I actually looked at myself in the numerous mirrors.  I could see improvement in my waist.  My thighs also looked a lot more toned and thinner, of course I didn't measure my thighs but there was a lot of leg room in my shorts. On my way home, I was thinking about how great I felt and how much I do enjoy working out and going to the gym.  So why don't I just hop out of bed every day and go??  Wish I could give an answer to that question but I just don't know what it is....however I will be thinking hard about that very issue. 

So how did week 3 go.  Down the crapper I think.  Maybe I should quit making weekly goals since I don't seem to be able to meet them.  But I am going to give it another try.

1200 to 1500 calories per day....no exceptions!!
Physical activity.....3 trips to the gym...no excuses!!

I'll let you know next Wednesday how this works out.

I can, I will!!

Binge!!

OK so this morning I weighed 192.4.  I wonder if that was due to the cookies and peanuts I ate last night??

I am so disgusted with myself!!  Will I never learn???

Today I am eating very lightly but didn't exercise yet anyway.

Tomorrow is another day and I intend to get it right!!

I can, I will!!

Another Week End Almost Gone...

After that great weigh in of 189.8, I bounced right back up to 190.4 the next day, then 191.0 ever since.  I knew there would be a bounce back....always seems to be one.  Just have to hang in there until the scale decides to cooperate.    I was trying to give myself some non-scale encouragement, so I decided to measure my waist and see if there was any change.  To my utter delight, I have lost 3 inches off my waist and 1.5 inches off my hips since August.  Unfortunately, my chest measurement was not changed.  But I am happy and as everyone knows there is more than one way to measure weight loss progress.

I have been fighting my weight my whole life.  Yup, I was a chubby kid and wore the chubby sizes to prove it.  There have been times in my life when I have been reasonable and in the overweight category instead of obese.  My all time high weight was 223 about 20 years ago.  I lost weight then and have never gotten to that high of a weight again.  That is suppose to be unusual.  When people lose and regain, they usually regain more than they lost.  I really think I didn't because I am pretty physically active and have almost always walked and worked out in one fashion or another.  Unless I am going more than 4 floors up, I always take the stairs, I park far away from entrances, I always return my grocery cart...I really do all of those little things they recommend you do.  My worst problem is a bad habit of overeating.  And even that is not the like you would expect.  I eat a very healthy diet, lots of fruits and vegetables, whole grains, lean meats (mostly chicken and pork, very little beef),  fish and nuts.  So why am I fat??  I love candy and sweets and indulge way too much.  I don't think there is enough candy in the world to satisfy me.  And you can also eat too much of the healthy stuff.  Portion control is important no matter what the food is.

I am going to be 60 in April and would really like to finally tame this beast!!  You have no idea how much I wish I would have gotten this horrible problem under control 30 years ago.  Maybe my children would be in a different place.

Not only am I an obese person, I am the mother of a 41 year old morbidly obese man.  In fact he is well on the way to becoming the next person you read about in the paper that cannot fit through the door.  At least that is my fear of what will happen to him.  I feel that I have more or less set him up for this problem from the time he was a chubby baby.  I overfed him and helped him develop every damn fat cell he has.  I wish I could undo that damage.

I also have a daughter that is obese, but not morbidly yet anyway.  I was a terrible mother and I cannot change history so they are paying the price.  Not quite fair that they are paying for my rotten choices.

Breakthrough!!

Day 3

So far I am liking week 3.  I weighed in this morning at 189.8---I finally broke the 190 barrier and barrier it has been!!  I know tomorrow I could bounce right back, but I loved seeing that 8 today!!

Eating yesterday was A-OK and I was very satisfied.

I am seriously addicted to Diet Pepsi and I am seriously thinking about quitting drinking it.  I know I can't cut down, I have to have zero because I am not a just cut down type of person.  When it comes to Diet Pepsi, it is all or nothing.  I am thinking.

Today I will just keep on, keeping on.

I can, I will!!

Start Of Week Three

Day 2

Today is Wednesday so it is the beginning of week 3. First I should recap week 2. Did I maintain the 1200 to 1500 calorie range each day-NO. For one and one half days I did not. Did I make it to the gym three times-NO. I went to the gym once, and did a fair amount of walking outside. So I wasn't a complete physical failure.
Oh I forgot to state what I weigh today, 191.0. So in two weeks I have lost 8 pounds which is not that great since I think I lost 9 pounds in 1 week!! What the hell happened??? I knew the 9 pounds in one week would bite me in the ass!!

I am back in the range and even went to the gym today. I did cardio and weight training so week 3 is off to a good start. I don't know if I should even make weekly goals since I didn't meet them this week. I am going to continue with the calorie range (this weeks football games are on at the same time so I will be able to stick with water) and I am going to do something physical at least 1/2 hour a day. Not necessarily at the gym.

I can, I will!!

Week End Gone Bad!

Sunday was not a good day for my calorie count. The first mistake I made was having a cocktail which led to two more. That more or less did it for me. On Sundays we go to a sports bar to watch football with another couple. Last Sunday I drank water the whole time, unfortunately this Sunday there was two games to watch which extended the time there from three hours to 5.5. That is way too long to sit there while everyone else is drinking and sip on water the whole time, although I did until half time of the second time. I just got really tired of water.

Then we had a fellow Wisconsinite that I work with that brought us home made potato dumplings. So we had those with pork chops for supper. The dumplings were a little dry so we had some gravy with them. I wasn't satisfied with all of that so after supper I had some cookies. Not good....I didn't even try to add up all of the calories. Yesterday was marginally better. Actually yesterday was ok, we made home made chicken noodle soup which makes it hard to accurately calculate the calorie count. I had two cups of the soup but didn't eat much else so it was ok.

I didn't weigh myself yesterday because I was just plain chicken...today I weighed 191.4. I consider myself lucky. Tomorrow starts week three and I will do better.

I can, I will!!

Danger--Another Week End

Day 12

Yesterday I was up to 191.2# and I didn't make it to the gym. Friday night was so busy at work I ended up working 2 hours overtime. That means I worked until 6 AM. Since I worked so late, I slept all day so no trip to the gym. I know, it sucks....but that is the true story. And obviously I didn't blog either because I was sleeping. Anyway this morning I weighed in at 191.0.

I work nights but my schedule changes every week. This past week, I had four 7PM starts and one 5 PM start. Now seeing that two hour difference doesn't seem like it is that much, it really is when I struggle with sleep. I don't like to sleep during the daylight hours but am forced to sleep most mornings (when I can) so I only sleep 5 or 6 hours a day and am always tired. Big surprise there. This upcoming week I have three 5PM starts and two 7PM starts. Always. always adjusting, makes things hard. (But not impossible!!) And who knows what kind of schedule I will have next?? Neither do I. No I am in another week-end and they are typically very challenging, but like last week, I intend to make it through to the other side on track.

On the up side, I have maintained my chosen calorie range, and have not gotten discouraged in spite of the scale going up. I have to credit PastaQueen (http://www.pastaqueen.com/) with that. I have been reading her blog, well to to precise I have been reading her archives because when someone has lost almost 200 pounds without surgery, you want to start at the beginning. She was always so patient when the scale would bounce a little. Reading about her patience gives me pause and makes me understand that the scale is not the be all, end all and I can wait it out too. While I didn't take my measurements 12 days ago, I did take them on August 21 so I have recent ones, and I am appalled by them. As I sit typing this I have Dr. Oz on and a Discovery Channel program about "You:On A Diet". A healthy waist size for women is 32" or less. Guess what mine is?? 43.5, enough said about that. I definitely have my work cut out for me and I am realizing that the scale is not the only yardstick here!!

I can, I will!!

Road Block

Day 10

Ok so I knew it had to happen...the scale went up 1# today. I was living in a fools paradise with a 8.2# loss in one week, but I really liked it. Even knowing it was totally unrealistic, I really liked it. Ok, Ok I am now reminded weight loss is not that easy or fast. Point taken.

Yesterday I did not take a 15 minute walk. I was still feeling under the weather so I took a nap instead. That was actually a good idea because about 2 hours after I got to work I started feeling substantially better. Not perfect but pretty damn good. So today I made it to the gym for a short visit. I did 16 minutes on the elliptical and 16 minutes on the treadmill. Just cardio today. Tomorrow I plan to do some weight training also.

I have been staying in the caloric range so I am happy about that. In the past I would have gone over by now. The big 60 birthday that is rapidly approaching is foremost in my mind. I don't want to screw this up and I want to be have a "normal" BMI by then. Each year you live, health becomes more and more important. Your body is pretty forgiving to some of the abuse one inflicts on it, but the older you get the less forgiving it is. The younger you learn this lesson, the better your chances of having a healthy, long life.

I can,I will!!

Hanging In There

Day 9

Yesterday I was actually under my calorie count because I was sick. I even called into work which is something I rarely do. I feel better today and will go to work but still do not feel the best. This mornings weight was 190.0. I plan to walk for at least 15 minutes today....need to "go slow" for a day or two. Maybe that is wrong, maybe this is the time to push myself. Guess I need to find out about that.

I can, I will!!

Week One

Day 8

This is Veteran's Day, you know the 11th day of the 11th month, and originally the 11th hour. My sincere thank you to all of our service people, both retired and active. I truly appreciate all of the sacrifices you have made so I can live the life I do in a country that is still free.

Ok so I have one week down, of the 21 weeks until my birthday in April. This morning I weighed 190.8 which is 8.2# less than last week. About six weeks ago, I weighed in at 190.2 and immediately ballooned back up to 199. The scale has never been my friend, but I intend not to waste this 8.2# gift I have earned by maintaining the daily calorie count I have chosen. I know that an 8.2# loss in 7 days in not something I can count on every week so this weeks challenge will be not to gain anything back, continue with my daily calorie count, and get to the gym at least 3 times this week.

I have not talked much about physical activity yet but I do work out. Some weeks I get to the gym 4 times and then I might not get there more than once the next week so I have to work on a regular schedule, but exercise has never been my problem, it has always been overeating. But the odd thing is that I eat very, very well. I do lots of fruits and veggies, not a lot of meat, whole grains, etc. But after I eat very healthfully, I eat candy and pastries. I have come the the conclusion that there is not enough candy in the world to satisfy me. Sugar, sugar, lovely sugar. Yuck!!

Anyway that is about all I have to say today.

I can, I will!!

I Made It!!

I survived my days off. I stayed in my daily calorie range and didn't overeat. Of course the fact that I have a sore throat, runny nose, and bad cold didn't factor in at all. Yesterday I weighed in at 193.4 and this morning it was 191.8, definitely back to the range I was in before my vacation.

I got my match up e-mail from mizfit yesterday. That will be cool. Today I will get an e-mail with more info as to how this will work. As I understand it, you are matched up with someone else that wants to lose some pounds and will motivate each other with e-mails. I am looking forward to having a virtual weight loss buddy.

Anyway outside of my cold I am very happy and feel powerful. This week I should hit new numbers and be under 190 for the first time in about 2 years. That will be great, my goal for Dec.31 is 180# and a BMI that will put me in the overweight category rather than obese.

I can, I will!!

Weekend Challenge

Ok so my two days off for this week start today. This is always a challenge because too much free time leads to too much food. Just a fact of most of my life. I also like to have a cocktail or two on my days off. That equation adds up to danger. Lots of time my efforts of the rest of the week are totally wiped out by these two days that I don't go to work. So that is my challenge for the next two days....maintain and follow my daily calorie goal.

This morning I weighed 193.8 and it is day number 5 of this journey. I know that this incredible daily weight loss is not going to continue but I am sort of liking it. I've decided to mention what day number it is for continuous calorie goal, that might help not to screw it up so I don't have to start over with day 1. Time will tell as it always does and in this case so will the pictures. Intake so far:

Wed: 940
Thurs: 1470
Fri: 1350
Sat: 1365

I am happy with that because I haven't really been unbearably hungry so that helps a lot. Makes it easier to not be tempted. I know it is closer to 1500 calories than 1200 but still in the range I have chosen.

I can, I will

That's It

I have been reading lots and lots of weight loss blogs. No one has an easy time with this struggle. One of the hardest things is getting started. One blogger actually started her blog in late 2003 but didn't get serious about a lifestyle change until 2005. I totally understand that. It does something to your mind to feel that you can't have that last food binge before starting a diet. You know what I mean, the days before "Monday" that you eat everything you want because come Monday (or Jan 1, or whatever) you are to start your diet and all of those goodies will be out of the question. But we all know that Monday, like tomorrow never comes. Getting started is hard, hard, hard,

I don't know what the trigger is, it is different for everyone. I just know that for now I have found mine.

I can, I will!!

Yes

I did do much better with caloric intake yesterday and didn't deviate from my plan at all. Yeah for me!! Although I don't intend to weigh myself everyday I have been this week because I was so distressed about the 199.0 number on my scale. This morning it said 194.8 so I am almost where I was before I went on vacation. I need to make this work.

I went on the Prevention site today to figure out my current BMI. It is 31.64 which is in the obese category. No surprise there!! So I figured out the the weight I need to be to get in the overweight category, that weight is 185#. That is 9.8# and very doable by Dec. 31. That is my short term goal...to weigh 185 and have a BMI of 29.86 by the end of 2009. Now a long term goal is to have a normal BMI by April 7th -my 60th birthday. I just counted up and that is 21 weeks away so at the rate of 2 pounds per week that is doable!! Lets state this goal here in black and white. By April 7, 2010 I want to weigh 153 pounds and have a BMI of 24.7 which is in the normal range. So I guess with that statement, I need to readjust my Dec. 31 goal--which is now 180.8 with a BMI of 29.21.

I can, I will!!

Already?

Remember my goal of staying between 1200 and 1500 calories a day? Well I didn't exceed it yesterday but came damn close. I had all of my food written down and packed (I take my lunch to work) to total 1220 calories. But in the break room a key lime pie appeared and I picked up a piece and ate it. Why oh why do I do this to myself??? I need to get to the root of this compulsion to eat whatever I see. It is taking a terrible toll on my body. Since I ate the pie, I didn't eat everything in my lunch so I got to a count of 1470, so technically I stayed with my goal but I am still upset about my "see it, eat it" compulsion.

I did weight myself this morning although I wasn't going to. I weighed 196.6 this morning...which is progress but maybe false hope. Don't know.

I hate the pictures of myself on this blog!!!!!

One day soon I am going to write down some things about myself and the lifestyle I live.

I am off to the gym and going to have a better food day today!!

I can, I will!!
'

Photos-Yuck

These are my pictures that were taken yesterday and I can honestly say I am appalled. And I have to acknowledge that I have not seen myself from these angles for many, many years. I have a lot of work to do but I am up for the challenge. This is the worst it will be.....

One of the bloggers I read, put up progress pictures every 20 pounds, I think I will do it monthly and hope to see visible results although I do know that I have to lose 30 pounds before it is noticeable....been down this road before.

I weighed myself this morning...197.4. Better than 199 but I am still disappointed in myself. Anyway onward and downward..

I am blogging about this because I need an accountability factor and from what I have been reading, so do a lot of other people. At this point I am going to state weekly goals. I will make a weekly food goal and a weekly fitness goal usually, but to get the ball rolling this week I am only making one goal. It is to keep my caloric intake between 1200 and 1500 daily. Yesterday I fell short at 950. Don't know how that happened, I think I forgot to put something down. But I will be vigilant today.

I can, I will!!